Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
