Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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