nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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