The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You've changed since you got that strap on
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
