is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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