cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
