she was so not down for the gang bang
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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