he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize