Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize