When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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