Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize