No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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