you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
