ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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