but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
