come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
