Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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