I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
