Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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