You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
