sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
