Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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