He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
