I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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