It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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