If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
