You're my little dorito
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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