i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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