You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
