But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Me too!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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