guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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