She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
