I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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