He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
