Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I understand Curling. That high.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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