My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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