Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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