That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
