you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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