wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
