Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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