I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
