So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
