Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
