Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
