You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I love you.
Bad choice
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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