he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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