Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
