I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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