I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
