I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
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Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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