my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
