I look better un-naked...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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