Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
