Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize