I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
