Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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