We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
