Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
