I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
