so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
