So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
