really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
