u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
