i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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